The Easter Vampire
by NotDorothy
Summary: It's Pam's favorite time of year - the clothes are all pastel. But when she finds out about everything else you can buy for Easter, she enlists Sookie's human expertise for a girls' night out in Walmart's Easter aisle. Weekly one-shot challenge.


**A/N: Jumping into the weekly one-shot arena. The topic is "The Easter Bunny." This idea jumped out when I surfed the forums because we know Pam loves the pastels, so this is her holiday. Hope it's as fun for you as it was for me.**

* * *

><p>The Tuesday before Easter, I was wiping up the last of the tables in my section after closing when Pam strolled into Merlotte's from the back. Sam was closing at the bar and frowned. Pam looked at him.<p>

"What? It was open, and I will try not make anything dirty." She clicked over to me in a lilac sheath and matching pumps. The white belt emphasized her slender frame. "Hello, Sookie."

I kept spraying and wiping as I returned her greeting. "Hey, Pam. What's up?"

"I wanted to go shopping. I love this time of year. Everything is in my favorite colors. It came to my attention that items beyond clothing are available. One of the waitresses mentioned plastic eggs." She smiled. "As a human, I assume you are aware of these items."

Pam wants to buy plastic Easter eggs? Strange. "Yeah, Gran use to make up baskets with this plastic Easter grass and candy and tell us the Easter bunny left them for us in front of the fireplace. They always had chocolate and jelly beans. Sometimes, she'd find these little plastic toys that wound up and vibrated across the table. Jason and I always got a new church outfit, and I got new dress shoes and sometimes white gloves when I was a little older." I smiled at the memory. "I sort of miss that. I should make a basket for Hunter."

Pam nodded. "Then you know where to purchase these things."

"I do. Walmart is a good start."

"How soon will the shifter allow you to leave?"

Sam shot her a dirty look before looking at me. "Sook, you can go when the chairs are up. I can do the ketchup tomorrow while the beer guy unloads."

"Thanks, Sam."

Pam looked around. "All of the chairs?"

"Yeah, I told Holly I'd do her chairs because her son woke up sick."

Pam nodded and zoomed to the far end. Before I could finish the three tables I was near, Pam had all the chairs up. "Now you can go."

Sam actually laughed at Pam's eagerness. I giggled. "Thanks. Let me get my purse. Do you want to follow me to my house? I don't want to go anywhere dressed in this."

"What? The shorts are very nice." She winked at me before she nodded.

Soon, I was on the road to my house with Pam on my tail. When we got there, Pam was on my porch before I got out of my car.

"You should wear spring colors in the spirit of our outing." She smiled as she went for a bottled blood and I went to change.

I'd done laundry earlier, so my yellow sundress was clean. I stripped my uniform and pulled it over my head. I took my hair down, sprayed some body spray, touched up my face and slid into some squishy flip-flips in white. When I came out, Pam frowned at my shoe selection.

I popped a hip. "Hey, missy, some of us aren't vampires, so when we work on our feet all night, they swell up and hurt."

She lost her frown as she put the empty bottle in my sink. "Let's get pedicures, too. I know you are off work tomorrow, so you can stay up with me. Let's go."

After we were in the car and on our way to the 24-hour Walmart a couple towns over, I asked her how she managed to get a night off.

"Eric says I have been working unusually hard, so he rewarded me. He is dealing with his sheriff crap and sitting for the vermin tonight while we have girl time. This will be fun."

She asked me about Easter traditions while we drove. She knew where the holiday came from – she'd gone to Easter services and learned about Jesus when she was human. But current trends were new. I told her about egg hunts, church, Gran's feasts and one of my favorite parts – giant chocolate bunnies. Pam's enthusiasm cracked me up.

I knew how she shopped, so I grabbed a cart when we got inside.

One of the employees stocking a shelf asked whether he could help us find anything.

"I am on an egg hunt," Pam announced clicking over the tile in her expensive heels. I smiled and politely told him we were fine as I pushed the cart behind her.

Pam couldn't believe all the signs and packaging being in her favorite colors as we walked.

"Just wait until we get to the Easter aisle," I told her.

The minute we turned the aisle, she actually made a small squeal of joy before regaining her composure. She picked up one bag of the plastic eggs someone already ripped open. She stood transfixed as she disconnected the parts. She turned to me.

"Why is it like this?"

"Grown-ups put candies or little treats in them and hide them for the kids to find. Then all the kids go at once with their Easter baskets and try to find as many as they can. Some people use real boiled eggs that they dye."

Pam spotted the egg dye kits and grabbed one. "We can do this tonight. Where are the real eggs?"

"On the other side of the store in the cold section."

"OK, let's get them last." Pam threw two dye kits into the basket and about 10 bags of plastic eggs – one in just about every color variety they had. Before long she came to the Peeps. She poked one through the plastic. "What is it?"

"Just a marshmallow in sugar. Let's get some – you'll love what happens in the microwave."

Pam's eyes were wide. "What happens in the microwave?"

I giggled until I bent over at her eagerness. "It will be a surprise. You'll love it." I grabbed a set of yellow chicks and a set of pink bunnies for the basket.

I allowed her to buy the largest chocolate bunny – it was about two feet tall, but it was hollow. She couldn't decide which basket she liked the most, so she put all four in the cart.

Pam also snagged three bags of each color of Easter grass – she said she had plans for it and smiled with her fangs out before she giggled. That's when I knew Eric would be irritated by whatever she did with it. If she'd bought any more of it, I would've thought she planned to fill his Corvette with the stuff. I laughed at that thought. She laughed again as she dropped random pastel-colored trinkets into the basket. I grabbed a few boy items and a blue basket for Hunter's.

We walked through the store to get the eggs during which we stopped no less than seven times to admire whichever pastel-colored item her eyes found. She insisted on four dozen eggs. I figured I'd make deviled eggs and egg salad and invite Jason for lunch. And I'd send him home with leftovers. It's not like Pam could eat them.

Pam drove us to an all-night nail salon where we got matching manicures and pedicures – robin's egg blue. We gossiped about all sorts of wacky stuff – apparently Shreveport had a new accessory store, and donors on gluten-free diets don't taste as good as normal humans.

I had the yawns, so Pam stopped at a drive-thru and picked up some coffee for me as we headed back to my farmhouse. She talked about how excited she was to dye eggs in her favorite colors. Pam was becoming an Easter monster.

The bonus to shopping with Pam was that she could carry everything in one trip and in one hand. When we arrived, I hopped up the porch and opened the door as my cell started ringing. I let Pam in and pulled it out. It was Eric.

"Hey, Eric. How's work?"

"Normal. Why are you so happy, lover?"

"Pam is really into Easter. We've been shopping and getting our nails done." I went to the hooks in the kitchen and grabbed aprons. "We're going to dye Easter eggs and put a Peep in the microwave."

"So my child is spending her night off with you. Interesting. What are Easter eggs?"

"Just boiled eggs that are dyed." I explained to him about Easter egg hunts while I ran water into a large pan and set it to boil.

"And Pam is excited about this." It was a statement.

"Tell my maker I am and that you have to go because I am impatient." Pam tapped her foot on the tile for emphasis. She smiled, so I figured she was kidding around.

Eric laughed. "I am pleased my two favorite women are getting along. Good night, lover."

"Night, Eric." I barely had the phone hung up when Pam took it from me and put it down.

"What first?" she asked eagerly.

"Eggs go in the water, we time them and then we can dye them."

"Why do we have to cook them? I'm not going to eat them."

"Because I'm not going to waste four dozen eggs. I can make stuff with them. Besides, if one cracked in the dye, it would ruin the dye cup and be a big mess. If it's boiled and it cracks, oh well."

She nodded and started sticking the eggs into the pot the way I'd done it. I made her stop after two dozen because the pot was too full. I promised we'd do a second batch.

I held out an apron. "Put this on."

"Why?"

"Because I know you love that dress and paid a lot of money for it. Dye is fun but messy."

Pam complied. She even took off her shoes and jewelry. It was kind of fun teaching Pam how to boil eggs. She announced that she could make these for a breather some day if she needed to feed one. I let her put the next batch on by herself while I checked the first batch for cracks and put them into the containers. Sure enough, one was pretty cracked. I set it aside to put in the fridge for the egg salad.

Pam came over and examined it. "Can I open it?"

"Sure. Just peel it over the sink."

I set out the cups – Pam picked the kits that came with little cups with the dye in it already. I grabbed the vinegar and measured some into each cup before I added water.

When I was done, Pam stood over the sink squeezing the egg and poking it with a finger. I handed her a butter knife.

"Cut it open – you know you want to." We both laughed as she sliced it open. I laughed again while she sniffed it.

"You eat these? Why?"

"It's good protein. There's a bunch of ways to make them." I listed a few while I drained the second batch of eggs.

"Now can we dye them?"

I showed her how to sit the eggs into the color and check them with the little wire egg dipper, which we both stunk at using. I found an old pair of metal salad tongs in the drawer when I remembered Gran using them when we were kids. It was one of the few things to survive the fire.

Once Pam was settled into her rhythm, I told her about using a crayon to make designs on the eggs. The kit came with a colorless one, so I demonstrated with some polka dots.

"I have a design. Give me the crayon." She blinked at me. "Please." I handed it over. It looked like she wrote something. "It's an egg for Eric. Leaving it longer will make it darker, right?" I nodded. "Then I shall leave it until it is red."

"Oh, I could make one for him, too. When are you going to give it to him?"

"I should have time on my way to my home." She handed the crayon back when she finished her second drawing.

I doodled little fang marks with blood dripping out of them like were on the Fangtasia bar napkins and dunked it into all the colors starting with yellow until the egg was a very dark color. We worked in tandem, but I let her do most of them as it was her first time. It was fun. Her egg for Eric was the Fangtasia script logo when it emerged very, very red.

At the end, I found a half-dozen carton with one egg well beyond its expiration date left, so I tossed it and put our pair of eggs for Eric in it. Pam packed up a dozen of her favorites including a yellow one I'd made with stripes while I pulled the stuff I'd gotten for Hunter out for the basket.

Then she held out the Peeps. "I want the surprise."

I grabbed a paper plate and put a Peep on it. "Watch in the window." I let the microwave rip for 30 seconds. Pam's laughter was epic as she watched the Peep get bigger and bigger until collapsed on itself.

"Again." She grabbed two and stuck them on a plate. More laughter. "I can't wait to show this to Eric."

I laughed. Eric likely would stand with his arms over his chest and demand she scrub his microwave and stop her foolishness.

"I want to see you make the basket." Pam held one of her baskets and the goodies she picked up.

"Sure, then you can take the extra grass for your 'plan.'" I used air quotes while I spoke.

I hauled it my stuff to the coffee table after we shucked our aprons. Pam brought some of her own items. She followed everything I did – putting the grass in the bottom, sticking the biggest item in the back and working my way forward – while I explained the concept of the Easter bunny again.

"So he is sort of like Santa Claus. He comes into your house and leaves you stuff at night."

"Um, I guess so."

Pam just nodded as we finished. Our baskets turned out well. It was 2 a.m.

"Sookie, I find I enjoy doing girly human things with you. Maybe for the next big holiday you can teach me something new. Which one is it?"

"Um, Memorial Day? But July Fourth is better – that one has fireworks. It's perfect for you – everything happens at night."

"I do like explosions. I shall go."

We chatted about different firework possibilities while she gathered her belongings. I walked her out.

"Night, Pam. I had fun, too."

She nodded before she climbed into her minivan. I sighed and set about cleaning up the dye mess and putting the eggs away before I went to bed. As I got in, my cell rang. It was Eric again.

"Hey."

"Lover, Pam brought me eggs."

"Yes. Did they amuse you?"

"Pam informed me that we should offer them to the vermin on the night before Easter."

I giggled. "Are you going to let her?"

"If she makes them all herself." Eric laughed with me. "She also exploded a yellow marshmallow chicken in my microwave. It was a bright spot in my evening."

"Bad night?"

"Boring night. Shall I see you tomorrow? You can tell me all about Easter. Pam is very enthused at your stories."

"Sure." We set up a time for him to pick me up before I drifted off to sleep.

I'd just gotten home from Merlotte's when Pam called me Friday night. She was dying eggs, and she needed advice about making the dark egg I'd done.

"I ruined the yellow." She was pissed.

"Were you going to have yellow eggs at the bar?"

"No."

"OK, no harm this time. Next time, start with the yellow and work your way to the darkest one. I guess you know why."

"So it doesn't matter? Egg-cellent." She laughed at her pun. Vampires love puns, so I laughed with her.

"How many are you making, Pam?"

"About 400. Thalia and Indria are helping me. Say hello to Sookie." Pam put me on speaker phone. I heard both of them greet me.

"Hey ladies. I hope you have fun dying eggs with Pam." I hoped they'd volunteered.

Indria answered. "I find new experiences interesting. This is amusing."

"I also am intrigued. But not enough to do it again," Thalia piped in. That was her way of telling Pam she was only doing this one time.

"So is it a big promotion or anything?" I asked.

"I made a flier. The waitresses will wear black bunny ears. I am very excited Eric is allowing us this amusement." She laughed. "Tell them about the Easter bunny."

So I did. They laughed and asked questions for 15 minutes or so while I pulled off my uniform and got my pajamas out.

I heard Pam sigh. "No, that one is not red enough. Sookie, I must go."

"Night, Pam. Have fun. I'm sure you'll tell me all about it."

"You know it, breather." Click.

I shook my head and got ready for bed.

Saturday night was so busy at Merlotte's that I came straight home and fell onto my bed after barely getting ready for bed. I guess everyone was excited about the Easter festivities the next day – that's all I got from everyone's mind all night.

I woke up to my alarm the next morning. I was going to church with the rest of Bon Temps. I padded through the house to make coffee before I took a shower. After I'd set it to brew, I turned to open the fridge for more boiled eggs for breakfast. I stopped halfway when I spotted an enormous basket in front of the fireplace.

I walked over to look closer. I spotted Peeps chicks and a giant chocolate bunny sticking out. I knelt down and moved the massive pink ribbons out of the way to see what else was there. Folded neatly in the back was a soft pink garment. I pulled it out and held it up – it was a dress with a chiffon overlay perfect for church. I also found silver sandals, lace gloves and a small purse to go with it. I popped open the plastic eggs to find a set of jewelry with flowers made from pink jewels. I also found a hairband trio and some lip gloss.

I pulled the card off the top and opened it. It had a giant egg on the front. Inside, it said,_"_Happy Easter from the Easter Vampire." I knew instantly who left it when I got to the bottom and saw the big plastic toy in lilac.

Only Pam would put a vibrator in an Easter basket.


End file.
